So it looks as if my immediate plans to vacate the city have been preempted by my responsibilities to my daughter. As I do not feel that my leaving will put her in a place that is secure I must remain here until such time as I am ready to either move with her or she is grown enough to take care of herself. (She is 8 years old)
In life we often have to do things we do not want to do. Our responsibilities are almost always only to our own well being. But in the case of our children we have to make decisions that may be uncomfortable for ourselves but secure a standard of living and a way of existing that is necessary for any child to live.
I guess I just do not feel that her life will be what it needs to be if I am not here to make sure she is happy. The course my life is taking has not changed, but the path I am walking down is constantly growing and unfolding before me. Hopefully being here for Isobel will be the right move.
As adults we must always consider our actions in response to our environment. In particular most parents, in my opinion, do not give enough thought to their children’s environment. We leave too much of the education and upbringing of our children to the schools and institutions we send them off to. (How many yuppie kids are closer to their daycare guardian than to their mom and dad?) Often these institutions are being run by agencies (churches, governments) whose actions we almost certainly do not agree with, yet off they go, to be programmed without our supervision.
The past few months have been a roller-coaster ride through hell. Maybe the coming autumn will sooth the souls of everyone involved and life can go on.