As some of you may have guessed there is some dark shit happening in my life. I will not go into anymore detail about the specifics but I wanted to write something that once had a purpose and now does not. These words were conceived in a very dark moment, after years of contemplation coming to a head, only to be cut off by a simple act.
What is suicide really? At the age of 31 my father took his own life. I was 12, my brother 9. From then until now I have had very strong opinions about what death is and ultimately what freedom is.
I have thought long about the nature of the soul and our path as individuals through the shape of reality. I have what I believe to be answers, though many may say I am wrong, these answers are ultimately the religion of one that I inhabit.
But the question is not what happens after, but what about the actions and decisions that lead up to killing oneself? Many people have said to me that the act of killing oneself is cowardly, weak, and most of all selfish. (I am not talking about assisted suicide to those in pain, but simply people who want out for whatever reasons).
Based on mankind’s pure speculation about what is on the other side of death religion has told us what to believe about the very shape of reality. We are told that suicide is a sin, is morally wrong, unethical, etc. But why?
Are we not free to do as we please with the body in which we inhabit? Our governments tell us not to do drugs but many, many of us do. Is this not my body to dispose of as I please? How is such a basic freedom, the freedom to exist or not, denied to people through religion and social norm?
The idea that suicide is cowardly to me is ridiculous. To face ones death is a noble thing. To step across the threshold of death willingly has got to be one of the bravest acts anyone can do. The answer to what is beyond death lies only in death itself. No one will ever “come back” and tell you about it.
I feel that people suffer at the core of their beings from a superhuman fear of death. Under all decisions we make is the decision to actively avoid being dead. Thus, through programming by our genetic makeup and our socio-cultural infrastructure we have learned to not die. But isn’t crossing willingly better than succumbing to the randomness of fate?
I think that those who believe strongly that suicide is wrong are ultimately afraid of death and their uncertainty about the beyond makes them uncomfortable with the idea that some people just want out of their lives.
True, suicide is the most selfish act a person can do. Other people can not be a consideration in deciding to take one’s life. Of course the world will be affected. Everything you do affects the world around you. Your choices and decisions are constantly changing your environment. Exiting reality will leave an unfortunate ripple in the shape of time. But isn’t that decision yours to make. It is your life, right?